Grief and Forgiveness
by beanie0700
Summary: Part 1: The team discovers that Simmons is trapped inside of the monolith, and Skye and Fitz are not taking it well. May comes back from her vacation and helps Skye through this difficult time. (After 2x22) (Before 3x1). Part 2: May's back from vacation and she's just discovered that Andrew is Lash. Daisy attempts to help her through the revelation. (During/After 3x7)
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! This story was requested by Crownedtiger. Thank you so much for giving me the idea for this. I hope you like it. :) It's a little darker than originally intended, but I like the way it's turned out. Thank you to everyone who has read my fanfics and has followed, favorited and reviewed. It makes me so happy that I can write stories that other people enjoy. I have two other Skye and May mother-daughter bond stories and I'd love it if you'd check them out. They're called: She is Warm & Hidden Secret. **

**So this story takes place right after the season 2 finale. May is off on vacation, and the team discovers that Simmons is trapped in the monolith. I hope you enjoy!**

Her stomach had dropped. It felt like a million emotions flooded through her at once. It couldn't be true. This couldn't be real. Needles pricked at her fingers, sinking into her other extremities. _No._ Something must be wrong. She couldn't be gone, not Simmons. Skye slowly turned away from the screen, too overwhelmed to notice her body shaking. She couldn't bring herself to look at Fitz. Her hand reached up and covered her mouth, trying to hide the sob it released. She couldn't handle this. How were they going to be able to move on?

"No! No... it can't be. She was just... No," Fitz stuttered. Skye turned to Coulson, looking at the shock in his expression.

"No, no, no! It's all my fault," Fitz yelled hysterically. He paced back and forth for a few seconds, before throwing himself to the floor.

"Fitz, no. It's not your fault," Coulson uttered, trying to hide his own pain. She only remembered screaming, feeling the tears roll down her face. The floor shook slightly underneath them. Skye didn't know what had happened next.

She remembered Coulson bringing her to her bunk, telling her that he would be back. He left to check on Fitz, knowing that he was not doing well. Skye had thrown herself onto her bed shortly after Coulson had left. She didn't know how long she had laid there, feeling the pit in her stomach grow. She was really gone. _Simmons_ was gone. Skye couldn't seem to wrap her mind around that fact. At some point she had rolled over to stick her face in her pillow.

Skye let her mind go over the details of the last few hours. Simmons had been nowhere to be seen, causing Fitz to worry. He had been afraid that she left again. Eventually in his panic, he explained to Skye what his plans had been for the night. It now broke her heart to know that Fitz and Simmons were going to go on a date. Finally, when everything was beginning to work out for them, it all fell to pieces. Now they would never be able to get that chance again.

After Fitz had informed her of their plans, she decided to look at the security cams. Skye checked them often, usually to see where her team members were, or just for reassurance. She had called Coulson into the room, knowing that he would want to be informed about Simmon's whereabouts. Nothing could have prepared them for what they discovered.

* * *

"Fitz," Coulson began, fist hovering over the engineer's door, "Are you alright." He didn't need an answer, and he didn't get one. He lightly jostled the door knob, not surprised to find it locked.

"You need to talk about this, let it out."

"I don't want to. I…I can't," Fitz stammered.

Coulson sighed at the young man's response. He could hardly wrap his own mind around what had happened. He couldn't even imagine what Leo must be going through. Simmons, Fitz and Skye were a part of his family. Sometimes he pictured them as his pseudo children. To lose Simmons killed him, and he couldn't fathom how her death would change all of their lives.

He ran his remaining hand through his thinning hair, trying to calm down. He was having a hard time coming to terms with the loss of his hand. Sometimes it didn't feel like it was gone at all. He knew that not having Simmons would be the same way. He let his right hand trace over the cast that covered his left shoulder. How were they going to get through this? He was quickly pulled back out of his thoughts, when he heard a sob through the door. Coulson moved back towards Fitz's bunk, and let his back slide down the door.

"Well, when you want to talk, I'll be here." With that Coulson reached into his suit's pocket to pull out his phone. He needed to call May. This wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

She hadn't know how much time had gone by. It felt like she had been laying there for hours, but at the same time, only minutes. Her hands were shaking, but at this point she was glad that they were the only things that were. Tears were stained to her face, and the breeze blowing through her open window was cold. She was too numb to care about anything else. _Jemma was gone._ Nothing else mattered. Skye ignored the footsteps that had slowly approached her room, figuring that it was Coulson.

She wanted him to come in, she wanted to wrap her arms around him and never let go. First she had lost Trip and now Simmons. She couldn't imagine losing Coulson. He was like a father to her. She had felt closure from meeting her birth parents, but no one could replace Coulson or May. As the feet got closer, she turned so that she was facing the door. She heard a few short knocks, and was surprised when she heard a different voice than what she was expecting.

"Skye," the voice began, and before Skye knew what she was doing she was running to the door and throwing it open. She was surprised at the relief that washed through her when she saw her S.O standing in front of her.

"May," she cried, trying to ignore how broken her own voice felt and sounded. She felt May's hand touch her shoulder lightly. How was she here? She had left for her vacation. But now she was back. That was all that mattered. Skye needed to apologize. What if something had happened to May instead of Simmons, she would never have gotten the opportunity to say she was sorry. May would never know that she was like a mother to her. Her heart broke even more when she looked into May's eyes. She hadn't expected to see May's eyes filled with tears of her own. She felt herself wrapping her arms around her mentor. A sob escaped her lips as she buried her face into May's shoulder.

"Oh, Skye," May said softly, hesitantly wrapping her own arms around the girl. This movement suddenly brought back the memory of Simmons hugging her. A knot formed in Melinda's throat. Now she regretted not returning the hug. She had cared about Simmons as if she were her own child. Now Jemma was gone and she would never know that.

When Coulson had called, she knew that something was wrong before she had even answered the phone. When she heard his voice struggling to get through the words, her heart broke. But when he told her what happened to Simmons, she had felt like a freight train had hit her. The whole way back to the base was a blur. She had dealt with a lot of loss over the years, but only very few had felt this intense.

After Bahrain a new tenet had been instilled in her: there is no going back, you can only move forward. She might not be able to make it right with Simmons, but she could help the girl in front of her grieve. Suddenly, she heard rattling and she felt the room around her begin to shake.

"Skye, honey, listen to me," she said, pulling back in order to look in Skye's eyes. For a second she realized how long it had been since she had used such word choice, but she shook it off easily.

"You're OK. Look at me, only me. You can control this. You've done it before, and you can do it again." Skye nodded quickly, trying to get her emotions under control. She took a big breath before focusing on the vibrations in her bunk, and putting them to rest. She was slowly getting better at channeling the tremors, and being able to use them to her liking. But she was quickly finding that pain was a very powerful emotion, and that it took a lot of energy to control it.

"You did it," May said, a sad smile appearing on her face. May motioned Skye towards the bed, directing her to sit down. She reached down, unzipping her boots and swiftly sliding them off. She noticed that Skye's feet were already bare, her shoes discarded by the door. They sat in silence for a few moments, Skye's sobs the only thing filling the air. May rubbed Skye's arm, gently, trying to hold her own emotions together. For years she had told herself to keep everything in. She had channeled her feelings, and compartmentalized her emotions. After Bahrain it had become essential to her existence. Pretend to feel nothing, when she constantly felt anger and grief. She had taught Skye how to control her emotions, how to breath. It killed her to know that this was the reason Skye had been inflicting pain on herself. To know that she had caused Skye to hurt herself, made her feel sick.

Whenever she let people behind her walls, something would happen. They would either get hurt or leave. She knew that it shouldn't be an excuse, but some days it just felt better that way. Now that Simmons was gone, it made her want to run, pretend that none of it had ever happened. It was times like these that made her question S.H.I.E.L.D. But deep down she knew that she couldn't keep dealing with things this way. She couldn't hold everything inside, to allow it to slowly eat away the person she once was. It clearly wasn't healthy. She hadn't thought anything of it until Skye hurt herself. If she had known, she would have never taught her to hold everything so tightly.

"May," Skye began, voice hoarse, "I'm so sorry." May was shocked by this sudden statement. The shock must have been evident, because Skye continued.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I—"

"Skye, you didn't know. You're own mother tried to deceive you. You did what you thought was right," May took a deep breath, dreading what she was about to say, "But that doesn't mean I wasn't hurt at the time. You chose, Skye. I thought that we had lost you for good. That all the things we had been through together didn't matter. That you chose nature over nurture. That you chose her over… well, over me. I don't resent you for it. I didn't then either. But it's OK. I know that if you could, you'd go back. You did nothing wrong. I was the one who assumed the worst of you. You never would want to hurt me. You only did what you did because you thought that it was right." The pain was evident in Skye's eyes, and it killed May to know that she had caused it. But she had said what she had needed to. Now maybe they could finally move past this.

"You mean a lot to me, Skye. I don't want this to come between us any longer," May began, hoping that it would help Skye feel better. May was relieved when she saw Skye's face relax.

"OK," Skye said, quietly, "Let's just try to forget about this, then." May smiled at this thought. She was glad that they had put this to rest. She did not want to have anything bad looming over their heads. Especially, when they knew that time was so short.

The tears still streamed down Skye's face steadily, but it was clear that she had formed some sort of peace within herself. A few minutes passed in silence. The silent words and emotions passed between them.

"What's going to happen now?" Skye asked, voice trembling. May's eyes moved up to meet Skye's. She opened her mouth to speak, but Skye continued before she could.

"Is Simmons really… gone?" the words choked out of her mouth. The tears were quickly thickening, hiccups started to shake her diaphragm.

"What if she's dead. What will happen to Fitz? How will he move on? How will we?" by now she was falling into hysterics.

"Skye, hey. Look at me," trying to sooth her. "We can't think that way. What do we know about this rock? We know next to nothing. We can't lose hope. Simmons might be out there somewhere… and if she isn't, then we'll find a way. We always do." Skye nodded, pushing herself back into May's chest.

"Come on," May said, directing her towards the bed. She wasn't surprised to find it unmade. She pulled the sheets back more, sliding herself underneath them. Skye quickly followed, finding comfort in the blankets that swiftly covered them. She felt May bring her closer, her hands wrapping around her.

Skye continued to cry, her tears soaking up in May's shirt. May was satisfied when her cries eventually slowed down, and her breathing evened out. May sighed, knowing that she would have to leave again at some point. She had been anxious to get away after she had seen Bobbi almost die. She needed to rediscover who she was outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. But now looking at the girl next to her, she felt torn.

* * *

He wasn't surprised when she walked into his office. Hours had gone by since May had been back at the base. He knew that she eventually would find him. Her expression was filled with sorrow and pain. He hadn't seen her like this in quite some time. Not since Bahrain. They walked closer to each other until they were only feet apart.

"How's she holding up?" he asked, knowing that May would have been with Skye.

"As well as could be expected," she replied after a long sigh. That wasn't a good sign.

"How's Fitz?" May asked, after a few seconds of silence passed between them.

"He's not taking it well. He's in denial. I don't want him to get his hopes up if…if she's already gone." May nodded, agreeing with him.

"So," Coulson began. "Will you be staying?" It had taken him a lot of nerve to decide to ask this question because he feared the answer. May sighed once again, the breath long.

"No. I've thought about this a lot, Phil. I need to recharge for a few months. I just need a little time to think. I'm sorry, but this doesn't change that." May said, after some thought. But she knew that she was kidding herself if she truly believed that it didn't. When Coulson had called she felt an immense guilt for not being there. Deep down she knew that her presence would have changed nothing, but she still felt culpable. Coulson nodded, his stomach felt sick.

"I'll wait until Skye wakes up. I feel like I at least owe her a goodbye. As soon as you learn anything, call me." May finished, feeling selfish.

"OK," Coulson answered calmly. "I hope you know how much you'll be missed."

"I do. But I also know that you'll be alright without me." May said, her eyes finding his.

"I know. But that doesn't make it any easier." At some point they had inched closer, now at arms length. May's hand found it's way to Coulson's cast. It was bulky and black, but most of all it was unfamiliar. That's how this conversation felt. Choppy. They usually could communicate without speaking, but now everything was foggy. Without realizing what she was doing, May traced her fingers over the thick material. How had such a short amount of time changed them so much? She needed to leave. She needed to think this through. But her thoughts were interrupted when she felt Coulson's right hand touch hers. She was surprised by herself when she didn't flinch, didn't move away. With such mistrust between them why didn't she shrink away? What were they now?

They stood like that for a minute, sinking in the comfort that they gave each other. But they both knew it couldn't last. Without warning, May's hand slowly slipped away from Coulson's grasp. She turned away to walk out of the room, but not before turning back to catch his gaze. _I'll miss you,_ his eyes said. And with that, she left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**So it's been forever since I wrote the first chapter to this story, but I've been wanting to get back into the fanfiction game for awhile.** **Since then, I've written a mini May and Daisy mother/daughter relationship fic if you'd like to check that out.** **Plus, there was an awesome guest that requested a chapter about May coming back from vacation. Sorry for the delay, but hopefully this chapter is enjoyable. So, this chapter takes place in season 3 right after the team discovers that Andrew is lash. Daisy tries to help May through this time, but they ultimately end up helping each other. Hope you enjoy!**

It started out as a fairly normal day. Well, as far as normal days go at S.H.I.E.L.D. It began with her usual early morning training session, followed by a dreaded pep-talk/psycho-analysis by Andrew. Next thing she knew, May was walking down the hall. Of course she'd known that May was back, but she hadn't been expecting to see her. Coulson had filled her in on all the details. Hunter's attempt to bring May back in to take down Ward, and her following mission with Bobbi to try to finish the job. Apparently she was back from the mission, but from her expression, it hadn't gone as planned.

"May!" The words were out of her mouth before she even realized what she was doing. She didn't think twice as she rushed to embrace her. Things just hadn't been the same since May left. For a woman of such little words, her presence was surprisingly large. It was the small things that Daisy missed the most: their daily Tai Chi routine/training session in the morning, the empty tea mugs left in the sink, the way May scolded her for "forgetting" to make her bed, her words of advice, the small smirk that always grew on her face when Hunter did something stupid, and the rare moments when May would give her praise on her technique. But, more than anything, Daisy missed her warmth.

The hug was quick, but she could feel May slightly relax into her embrace. The conversation that followed was almost as quick as the hug itself. But, it left Daisy worried. She had thought they had left everything on a good note six months ago. May had said it herself, she didn't want to dwell on the past. She hoped that the hug wasn't too much. May wasn't one to love physical contact, and Daisy had always been hesitant around her, but she thought that May was comfortable enough with her now. She tried to shake off the feeling of anxiety, but it still bothered her. She eventually convinced herself that it must have something to do with May and Bobbi's mission, which only provided another sense of worry. But, she finally forced herself to shake it off. She had work to do. Putting up with Rosalind was going to be hard enough without this concern clouding over her. She'd just have to wait to talk to May again later.

* * *

She knew that she needed to give her some space. Daisy couldn't imagine what May was feeling. She could identify a whole slew of emotions within herself. Anger, mistrust, fear, but most of all, sadness. She had trusted Andrew. He had consoled her through the hardest times. He even helped her gain control over her powers. But, to know that he was out there mindlessly killing innocent inhumans was more than she could take.

She didn't want to impose, but at the same time, she was desperate to talk to her. She knew how private May was when it came to emotions. So, she knew that it was probably a bad idea to seek her out when she was at her most vulnerable. But, she needed to check on her. Not only for May's sake, but also for her own. She needed to make sure that she was still there. That she hadn't completely dreamt her return up. She had given her some space on the flight back to the base, and it had been an hour since they returned. But, she couldn't take it anymore.

So, ignoring her instincts, she knocked on May's bunk door. At first, she didn't think May would respond. But, after a few seconds, she heard the shuffling of feet. May must have known it was her because when the door opened, she didn't seem surprised. Without a word, May moved to the side, beckoning Daisy inward. Daisy was surprised at May's offer, understanding the rarity of moments that May allowed people in. Not only to her bunk, but also to her emotions. This action was clearly meant to allow Daisy access to both areas.

The bunk was unbelievably clean, unlike Daisy's. There was hardly anything on the floor except for a pair of black boots. Besides clothes, May seemed to keep very little possessions in the room, with the exception of a few pictures set on the bureau. Daisy slowly lowered herself to the bed, unsure of what to do. But, when May sat down next to her, she knew that she had to say something.

"I'm sorry," were the first words to come out of her mouth. May turned her head towards her with a questioning look.

"Why are you sorry?" She asked, clearly confused.

"I'm sorry that this happened to you." Daisy easily responded.

"And since when is this your fault?" May questioned.

"I don't know… I−" May cut her off.

"You don't know because you have no reason to be. You shouldn't feel pity for me, and this definitely isn't your fault."

"I know, but it's not pity. It's because I care. It's just that … this sucks." May chuckled, smirking at the girl.

"Yes it does." A few seconds passed in silence.

"Come here," May began, waving Daisy closer. She wrapped her arms around her former S.O and melted into her chest. They sat there for awhile, May's hands running through Daisy's hair.

"Why is it that you are the one comforting me. I'm not the one that found out my ex-husband has an evil night job." Daisy voice was sarcastic, but also questioning. May simply rolled her eyes and said, "You think this isn't helping me?" Hmm. That was something Daisy had never thought of before. It left her at a pause for a while.

"So, what did you do on your vacation anyway?" she eventually asked, wishing to change the subject.

"Well, Andrew and I went to Hawaii." Daisy picked her head up from May's chest, shocked by this new discovery.

"Well I guess I completely failed at changing the subject," she said under her breath, "Why did you pick Hawaii?"

"I guess I've always wanted to go. Plus, I was making up for the time that you and the team went without me." This time Daisy laughed. She had forgotten about that.

"After that, I visited my Dad. Course, that's where Hunter found me, and where I almost killed him."

"That would have been fun to watch," Daisy giggled. This was nice. There was a familiarity to the conversation. This was yet another thing that Daisy missed. She wondered if this was what it was like for kids who had parents that traveled.

"What'd I miss here?" May asked, causing Daisy to shift her focus back on the conversation itself.

"Well, besides getting Simmons back, not much. Oh, we had to get that Professor Randolph's help again." Daisy said with a groan.

"Guess I should be glad I missed that." They sat there for awhile, content with just being in each other's company. A question was still nagging at Daisy. But, she hesitated asking. Apparently May could sense this because she asked, "What's wrong?" Daisy sighed, pursing her lips.

"Why did you ask me what I would do back on the Zephyr today?" she asked, reluctantly. May let out a breath, shifting up towards the head of the bed. She rested her head on a pillow and directed Daisy to follow suit. Daisy allowed herself to sink into the comfort of the mattress. May stared up at the ceiling.

"Because I respect your opinion." She had thought long and hard about those words, but they didn't seem like quite enough. "I didn't just ask you because you're an inhuman; I asked because… you mean a lot to me and I wanted your input." Daisy scrunched her eyebrows up at this.

"You didn't make the decision just because of what I said, did you?" Daisy asked, concern written on her face.

"No. Of course not. I think that's the decision I would have made anyway. But, I asked you because you might have more of an idea of what Andrew would want than me." Daisy's face seemed to relax at that idea. She nodded her head slowly, contemplating what May had said. But, as her thoughts continued on, a pit formed in her stomach.

"What's wrong with me?" she suddenly asked, face slightly crumpling.

"What? Where's this coming from?" May asked, worried by Daisy's sudden change in mood. She turned on her side in order to talk to her more directly.

"Here you are asking for my opinion, respecting my beliefs, when only a few months ago I literally threw you across a pavilion." Tears began to form in her eyes, her breath slightly hitching.

"I thought we agreed to move past this?"

"Yes, but I don't deserve to move past this. I hurt you. I don't deserve your forgiveness."

"Daisy, why on earth would you think that? I'm fine. I understand why you did it. But, what I don't understand is why you think you don't deserve forgiveness." May questioned, placing her hand on Daisy's arm.

"Because I threw it all away. I had everything and more than I ever wanted and I threw it away for some woman that didn't give a crap about me. May, I should have never done that to you. I should have told you sooner because _you're_ everything I wanted you to be. Not her." Tears streamed down her face, but she made no attempt to wipe them away. She was surprised when May's hands touched her face, pushing the tears away. Through her clouded vision, she was shocked to see tears in May's eyes as well.

May's lips couldn't find the right words to respond. So, she simply leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Daisy's forehead. She eventually found the courage to say, "Ditto."

"I'm still sorry," Daisy said, voice sounding drained.

"I know, but I forgive you." May could see that Daisy's eyes were beginning to grow heavy.

"How about you try to get some rest?" May asked, reaching down to unzip Daisy's boots.

"No, no. I should go back to my bunk," Daisy began, attempting to sit up, but May slowly pushed her down back to the pillow.

"It's fine." She slowly lifted Daisy's legs up, pulling the covers over the girl.

"Now will you promise to move past this?" May asked. Daisy nodded in agreement.

"Good… Goodnight, Daisy," she said brushing the hair out of her former trainee's face.

"G'night," Daisy responded in a sleepy voice. May smiled, pulling the covers over herself. She closed her eyes, noticing how tired she was. When she turned the light off, she realized that she might be able to get some sleep tonight as well.


End file.
